The Year 6 Phone Decision Pack
Free from Raised Ready, by Rich Bowdler.
Hello, I'm Rich. I've spent three years involved with the Smartphone Free Childhood movement and ran the campaign at my own children's school. This pack is what I wish someone had handed me: four short pages to help you decide whether, when and how your child gets their first phone, without a row and without becoming the family IT manager.
There's no right age that suits every child. There is a right process, and that's what this is.
Page 1: Is my child ready? A checklist
Go through this on your own first, then with your partner or co-parent. Be honest; nobody's marking it.
Why do they need it? - ☐ I can name the actual problem a phone solves (e.g. walking to secondary school alone, after-school clubs, a split-home handover). - ☐ I've checked whether a simpler option solves that problem (a basic "brick" phone, a watch, a shared family phone, or simply arranging pick-ups). - ☐ I know whether "everyone else has one" is actually true in their class, or just feels true.
Are they ready? - ☐ They generally stick to agreed rules when I'm not there (bedtime, screen time, homework). - ☐ They tell me when something has gone wrong, even when they think they'll be in trouble. - ☐ They can come off a screen without a meltdown most of the time. - ☐ They understand that what's sent can be screenshotted and shared, and can't be taken back. - ☐ They know what to do if a stranger messages them, or someone sends something upsetting.
Am I ready? - ☐ I know which phone, which network plan and which settings I'll use, before it's handed over. - ☐ I've agreed with the other adults in the house what the rules are, so they can't be played off against each other. - ☐ I'm prepared to model the rules myself (phones out of bedrooms, not at the table). - ☐ I've spoken to at least one other parent in their class about what they're doing.
How to read it: if you ticked most boxes, you're probably ready to plan the hand-over. If several "Are they ready?" boxes are blank, that's not a "never", it's a "not yet, and here's what we work on first." Tell your child which ones, so the goal is clear.
Page 2: The conversation, a script
Pick a calm moment, not the car on the way to school and not right after an argument about screens. Allow 20 minutes. Use your own words; these are just there so you're not starting from a blank page.
1. Open with what they want
"I know a phone matters to you, and I want to get this right with you, not just decide it for you. What would you use it for?"
Listen. Don't argue with the answers yet.
2. Say what you're worried about, honestly
"My worry isn't you. It's that a lot of apps are built to keep us scrolling, and some of what's online isn't made for people your age. I find it hard to put my phone down too."
3. Explain how it'll work in this house
"When you get a phone, it comes with some starting rules. They're not forever. As you show me you can handle it, you get more freedom. That's the deal."
4. Agree the step-by-step
"First it's calls, messages with family, and maps. Then we'll talk about group chats. Social media is a separate conversation for later."
5. Promise the thing that matters most
"If anything goes wrong, someone sends you something nasty, you see something that upsets you, or you make a mistake, tell me. You won't lose your phone for telling me. I'd much rather know."
(Mean it. If telling you leads to confiscation, they'll stop telling you.)
6. Close with a next step
"Let's write our rules down together this weekend, and you can help choose the settings."
If it goes sideways: "We don't need to finish this today. I'm on your side here." Then come back to it.
Page 3: What parental controls can't do
Parental controls are worth setting up. Use them. But they're a seatbelt, not a driver. Here's the honest bit:
- They can't see everything. Filters and app limits work on the phone you control. They don't cover a friend's phone, a school laptop, or a games console you haven't set up.
- They can be worked around. Workarounds get passed around between children. Expect it, and treat it as a conversation, not a betrayal.
- They don't filter people. A group chat between classmates can still be unkind, pressured or overwhelming. No setting stops a child being left out or pile-on'd.
- They don't stop sharing. Once a photo or message is sent, it can be screenshotted and forwarded. Settings can't undo that.
- Age ratings are only part of the story. App store ratings and app minimum ages (many social media apps set 13 as their minimum age in their terms) don't guarantee an app is suitable, and age checks can often be got around.
- They don't teach judgement. The goal is a child who makes good choices when no filter is there, because one day there won't be.
So what does work? Controls plus clear family rules plus a child who knows they can tell you anything. The other two pages in this pack are the bits that matter most.
Settings worth switching on before hand-over (check your phone's own guide, as menus change): 1. Built-in family controls (Apple Screen Time / Google Family Link), with a passcode your child doesn't know. 2. App downloads need your approval. 3. Content and web filters on, plus your mobile network's adult-content filter. 4. Downtime overnight, with the phone charging outside the bedroom. 5. Location sharing, agreed openly with your child, not secretly.
Page 4: Our family phone agreement
Fill this in together. Both sign it. Stick it on the fridge. Review it in 3 months.
Phone belongs to: ____ Date: ______
What it's for, to start with: - ☐ Calls and messages with family - ☐ Getting to and from school / clubs - ☐ Maps - ☐ Other: ____
Where and when - The phone sleeps at __ (place) from _ pm. - No phones at: the table / homework / ___ - School days: phone time up to _ . Weekends: ___ .
Apps and chats - New apps: we decide together first. - Group chats: ____ (not yet / with these people / agreed date) - Social media: we'll talk about this again when ____ .
Being kind and staying safe - I won't send anything I wouldn't be happy for a teacher or Grandma to see. - I won't share photos of other people without asking them. - If someone I don't know contacts me, I'll tell a grown-up. - If anything upsets me or goes wrong, I'll tell ______ , and I won't lose my phone for telling.
What the grown-ups promise - We'll follow the "phones away" rules too. - We'll listen first and not overreact. - We'll give more freedom as trust grows, and explain why when we say no.
When we'll review this: ______
Signed (child): ____ Signed (parent/carer): ______
Free to share and print for your own family. Raised Ready is an independent magazine published by The Good Phone Company Ltd. This pack is general information, not professional advice. Raised Ready is not affiliated with or endorsed by Smartphone Free Childhood, Jonathan Haidt or The Anxious Generation.